Waiting Well

How do I wait well when I'm deeply stuck in the fiery desires of my heart?

Wordless groans turn into random gibberish illegible scribbles as I try to put my mind into the content that I’m supposed to remember. But all I really feel is the weight of the waiting and how it weighs my shoulders down and hardens my heart more than it should.

Whatever it is that we are waiting for, I believe that the longing can kill us sometimes. Kill our hearts in hardening in for what really matters, kill our desires in an attempt to desensitise ourselves from these raging emotions, kill our souls, because we’re just so indescribably tired of feeling.

A gibberish excerpt from today,

But it’s also surrendered. I don’t really know… But perhaps, You know best. The waiting is long and hard but You are the Bridegroom waiting for us, waiting for me. I long for this but I also long to honour You in this. If this is what it takes now, align my heart to Yours. Steady the winds of my sail and anchor me deep Jesus. I need nothing more than You.

It is undeniable that these burdens are not mine to carry. Though I don’t exactly know how to practically exchange my yoke for the Lord’s just yet, I find some joy in knowing that I have hope in Him. That at the end of the day, all this would be worth it, not because of a fulfilled desire but because of a fulfilled promise anchored deep in scripture. I will be Home with Him someday.

Set my heart unto eternity Lord,

Help me to lean not on my own understanding but to trust You in every step.

If ever I should lose my way again,

Lead me back to paths of righteousness,

Teach me to keep my eyes on You,

For there my heart is satisfied,

And for there my heart has found its home.