Desiring Simplicity

"I longed to be that girl again, simple in her desire and clear in her pursuit."

Dance With Me - Jesus Culture

Just listening to dance with me is giving me the feels :’) Knowing that this is the one simple call, “Would you dance with me?” A dance is so simple, swaying back and forth to the music. It is safe, it is romantic, it is knowing that the dance partner holds you in a way that you won’t fall, you won’t trip. It is slow, savouring every moment.

So would you? Would you dance with me again? As simply as you did in the past. Without knowledge of dance, just doing it because of your desire to love, and your desire to pursue. Would you dance?

Taking up the position and posture to dance, is simply laying down what’s on your plate, what’s on your hands, and lifting them up to dance. And maybe that’s all it takes. Pursuing God is not meant to be hard, nor is it meant to be excruciating. It is in the simplest moments like these where you truly learn what it means to dance, where you finally learn to fall at His feet and restart again. Where you hit the final step of ‘reset’. After digging up all the roots, digging up all the fault lines, you’re tired, and you realise how simple the final step is.

To dance.

How absurd, one must think. To dance? And for what, when there are greater things to pursue? Well, if you can’t learn the basics of dancing, how do you suppose you can teach others to dance? You need to have knowledge of what it is. The purpose of service is never really to discourage, nor is it to drain you. So why are you drained? Are you not filling yourself well? Probably not.

In light of eternity, everything falls short. I fall short. Whatever I can offer will fall short. There’s so much ahead of me, the serving struggles, the insecurities, fear of the future, needs, wants, desires. The path is long, and narrow. But in light of eternity, it is nothing. It is merely but dust. Lord, if You are the most consistent thing the world has ever known, how can we trust everything else but You? How can we trust that material things will satisfy, how can we trust that human hearts will not break and bend ours? How can we trust that the world will not fail us? Why do we run around, scattered, tired, and aimless, chasing our own tails, when You are right there waiting for us? Why? I don’t have the answers to a perfect life, nor do I have complete trust that I will make it through unscathed, but it is not myself that I put my trust in. But God.

When we cannot trace His hand, we must trust His heart - Charles Spurgeon

We must trust and know that He has our best interest at heart, He is too good a God to let us go. He is too loving, to let us fall into the pits and break all our bones without learning the most valuable lesson. We are nothing. Nothing without Him. Nothing without His goodness, His mercy, His power.

Even after typing these convictions I want to stand my ground on, I can’t be assured that I won’t fall into another self spiral, or another sorrow hole again. I don’t know whether I can set out so boldly anymore, after falling countless times. Still, if I fall back on the same thing over and over again and trust that He is good. I will come back up, I won’t give up nor give in :’)

May I learn that the hardest thing in life is not the obstacles and the road I’ll walk, but the desire for simplicity and the desire for God in the simplest ways.

Written on 7 July 2021